Smooth Via

Uganda and Revival

As I sit here writing this blog entry, I am about 30 minutes away from heading to the airport where we will begin the long journey to Uganda, Africa. This will be somewhere around my tenth time to this country. I have been so many times and built so many lasting relationships that the anticipation of trip comes not only from the excitement of being a part of a mission halfway across the world but also from the excitement of getting to old friends.

Nevertheless, it is not the company of old friends and familiar faces that keeps me going back time and time again. The Holy Spirit is moving in Uganda in a powerful way, and getting to be a part of such a major move of God as he draws in his sheep by the hundreds is intoxicating. It's like a drug. I can't get enough of it.

As you look back through church history, it appears that the Holy Spirit has moved in a powerful way in particular geographical areas at particular times. Who knows what causes these events. Many people have speculated, and I'm sure that there a minutia of details which came together at just the right time to act as the catalyst for these events that have so often been referred to as "revival." In any case, what is not a mystery is that for some reason or another, God sovereignly ordained it so that at certain times in certain places there would be an outpouring of his Holy Spirit. Just to name a few...

In the eighteenth century, there was the Moravian Revival in Herrnhut, Germany and the Great Awakening in New England. The revival among the Moravians spawned a prayer "meeting" which lasted 100 years as people continually took turns praying and interceding around the clock. It also spawned the modern missionary movement as they sent out more than 100 missionaries to spread the good news of salvation in Jesus Christ. The Great Awakening, which is more well known, began in New England with the puritan theologian Jonathan Edwards and his church. People everywhere began to be woefully aware of their sin before a just and holy God and began to repent as the Holy Spirit was poured out in a powerful way.

In the nineteenth century, there was the Second Great Awakening in America led by the great "revivalists" like Charles Finney. In the early twentieth century there was the Welsh Revival in Wales. Later in the twentieth century there was the Argentina Revival, the Toronto  Revival, the Brownwood Revival, and the Pensacola Revival, just to name a few. Of course many if not all of these "revivals" have been fraught with controversy, and some people have used "revival" as means to gratify their greed and pride. Nevertheless, one cannot deny the work of the Holy Spirit despite the shortcomings of God's people.

I mention all of that only to set the context for what God is currently doing in East Africa and in Uganda specifically. It cannot be explained in human terms. Once while in Uganda, I had two young children, a brother and sister, walk right up to me and tell me (through a translator) that they wanted to give their lives to Christ, and that they were willing to die for it because their parents were Muslim. They couldn't have been more than 12 and 10 years old. They did give their lives to Jesus, and I don't know what happened to them. I've never been to any other place in the world where the Holy Spirit is moving in such a powerful way.

As I am gone, I will try to keep my blog updated with stories of what God is doing and what he is allowing us to be a part of.

Great Prayers of the Past - John Calvin

The great reformer John Calvin has long been a hero of mine, but not because of anything that has to do with what has become associated with Calvinism today. Rather it was his unbending commitment to doctrinal purity, and fearless objection to anything he thought unbiblical. Certainly, my praise of Calvin doesn't come without equal amounts of critique. He was often ruthless and at times cold-hearted by some accounts. Nonetheless, for better or worse even these actions should be viewed as stemming from the seriousness that he placed on doctrinal purity.

Calvin was not a man without mistakes and major flaws, but his heart wholly and completely belonged to God. In a day when many of his followers were looking to him to be a "savior" of sorts, he always strove to bring all the attention and focus back to God and the preeminence of Christ, while attempting to make himself smaller. Being exalted by men as he was (and still is today), I can imagine the struggle he must have had with pride. I can imagine that it must have been in that context that he penned the following prayer:

Grant, almighty God, as no other way of access to you is open for us except through unfeigned humility, that we often learn to abase ourselves with feelings of true repentance. May we be so displeased with ourselbes as not to be satisfied with a single confession of our iniquities. May we continue to meditate on our sins until we are more and more penetrated with real grief. Then may we fly to your mercy, prostrate  ourselves before you in silence and acknowledge no other hope than your pity, and the intercession of your only begotten Son. May we be reconciled to you, absolved from our sins, and governed throughout the whole course of our life by your Holy Spirit. Let us at length enjoy the victory in every kind of contest, and arrive at that blessed rest which you have prepared for us by the same, our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

Ask Smooth - Apathy

In our weekly High School only gathering on Sunday nights (entitled 3:12), we started a new deal called "Ask Smooth." On our Journey Students blog, there is section where they can ask any question they want (no question is off limits) and we will more than likely attempt to answer that question. After the weekend, I will also post the answer here on my blog.

A recent question:

What should you do when you just don't care anymore about anything? Nothing matters or seems to be significant or impacting in any way. How do you get out of feeling like that?

In a word, the problem that this question describes is "apathy." Apathy can be described as the absence (or suppression of) passion, excitement, and/or emotion. It is a lack of concern for things with which one ought to be concerned. It is complete indifference. Apathy is a problem which plagues the church in general, and is rampant among teenagers today.

So how does one fix that? How do you get out of feeling that way? Well, this is probably not what you want to hear, but there is no formula. Regardless of what some people may tell you, there is no 12 step program that will move you from apathy to ardor or from passivity to passion. There are, however, some things that I noticed in my own life that have helped me pull out of a "funk." So the three suggestions that I am going to put forth here, are not meant as a "sure-fire way" to recover the passion you once had. They are simply things that have helped me at one time or another. Maybe one of them will help you.

1. KNOW
In Ephesians 1:17-19, Paul's prayer for the church at Ephesus is that the eyes of their heart would be opened so that they would know "the riches of his (Jesus) glorious inheritance in the saints." Do you understand what this verse is saying? The word "in" here should be understood as "which consists of." In other words, what this verse is saying that Jesus' inheritance IS the saints. You are his inheritance. I am his inheritance! And it's not a sorry sad inheritance. The bible says that we are a "glorious" inheritance! In the past when I've thought about the Lord and all he has done for me, I have often wondered what was in it for him. Why would he go through all of that for us? Well, here Paul gives us the answer. He did it because he wants us as his prize. He wants us as his inheritance. And though you may not often feel this way, Jesus views you as a glorious inheritance! So one of the things that has helped me is to KNOW who I am and how Jesus views me. You are Christ's inheritance, his glorious inheritance.

2. REST
Burnout happens. In fact, it happens a lot. It's easy to burnout because we in western society live such busy lives. Jesus was a busy man. Once he started his public ministry, people almost never left him alone. People were always demanding his time. So what did Jesus do? He got alone, and he rested. Mark 6:31 says, "Then, because so many people were coming and going that they did not even have a chance to eat, he (Jesus) said to them, "Come with me by yourselves to a quiet place and get some rest." If you observe the life of Jesus, you see that this was a habit of his. He always found time to "disappear" and be alone with no one but God and himself to rest. If Jesus needed time to be alone, what makes you think that you can make it through life without it? Oftentimes, apathy is the result of burnout or being "burnt" by someone else. This can often be avoided and/or rectified by just getting alone with Jesus. Don't worry about what you are "supposed" to do during your time with Jesus. It's not about reading your Bible for a certain amount of time, or praying a certain amount of minutes. It's not even about doing those things at all. It's about getting alone with Jesus. Take time to rest in his presence.

3. FOCUS
The writer of Hebrews gave us a solid principle to deal with this issue. He wrote, "Consider him who endured from sinners such hostility against himself, so that you may not grow weary or fainthearted." Simply put, focus on Jesus and what he did for you so that you don't burn out. It's hard for me to be apathetic, when I put aside all the other issues of life and simply focus on him and what he has done for me. It still baffles me to this day that God would do what he did to redeem me. When I think through it logically, it doesn't make sense that he would love me so much. That's what I focus on. In this life there are so many sorrows, injustices, and evils. There is so much distraction, commotion, and preoccupation. There are so many questions, so much confusion, and so many issues that genuinely confound us. Through it all, most of us have been taught that we must simply "tow the line." We are taught by both word and example that we should simply suck it up and push on through. In my own life, I've noticed that it's been the times I was in "just get it done" mode that I have been most vulnerable to becoming apathetic. Sucking it up and pushing on through while ignoring the way that you are feeling doesn't fix the issue, it compounds it. Whatever your distraction is, whether doubt, disbelief, injustice, problems, sorrow, confusion, or busyness, it isn't going to go away. For once, take your focus off of you own problems, and begin to focus on one thing and only one thing: Jesus and what he did for you.

To restate what I said at the beginning, these are not "steps to take" to pull yourself out of apathy. These are simply things that have helped me in my own life as I struggle through the Christian life just like everyone else. My prayer is that they will help you as well. If you've found something else that has helped you, you are invited to post it in the comments, and we can all help each other.

Destined for Affliction - Part 1

Writing to the church at Thessalonica, the Apostle Paul said: 

1 Thessalonians 3:2-4: 

we sent Timothy… to strengthen and encourage you as to your faith, so that no one would be disturbed by these afflictions; for you yourselves know that we have been destined for this. For indeed when we were with you, we kept telling you in advance that we were going to suffer affliction; and so it came to pass, as you know.

He said it was their destiny to suffer affliction! What if God let you know in advance that it was your destiny to suffer affliction? Would you still follow him?

You say, "Well Smooth, God doesn't operate that way." Doesn't he?

Think about the life of Job.Job was a very wealthy righteous man who loved and followed God. One day Satan goes to God and says, “The only reason he loves and follows you is because you are so good to him.” And so God allows Satan to bring more and more trials and affliction into Job’s life. He lost everything: cattle, sheep, camels, servants (all of his livelihood). Even all of his children were killed. Later he lost his health. He lost everything. And he had no idea why. He was a righteous man putting God first in all things. So why would God do this? A couple of Job’s friends come to see him, and they all have their theories as to why God would allow these things. Most of them have to do with some kind of sin being in Job’s life. But Job knew that he was righteous before God, and he couldn’t make sense out of what God was doing. So finally, Job cries out, 

Job 31:35 
 “Let the Almighty answer me!” 

Essentially he said, “God why did you allow this to happen to ME?” And several chapters later, God answers, and says: 

Job 38:1-12 
 "Who is this that darkens my counsel with words without knowledge? Brace yourself like a man;  I will question you, and you shall answer me. Job "Where were you when I laid the earth's foundation?  Tell me, if you understand. Who marked off its dimensions? Surely you know!  Who stretched a measuring line across it? On what were its footings set, or who laid its cornerstone- while the morning stars sang together and all the angels shouted for joy?"Who shut up the sea behind doors when it burst forth from the womb, when I made the clouds its garment and wrapped it in thick darkness, when I fixed limits for it and set its doors and bars in place, when I said, 'This far you may come and no farther; here is where your proud waves halt'? "Have you ever given orders to the morning, or shown the dawn its place?  

The only answer that God even gave Job was, "You can't get it. You can't understand me or my ways. You don't have the perspective that I have, and I don't have to explain myself to you."

As a part of his larger plan, sometimes God ALLOWS terrible things to happen. He never causes it, but sometimes (even many times) he allows it to happen. And when he does, he does not owe us an explanation. He's God we're not. 

You say, "Well Smooth, you're proof texting. You've chosen to focus on one passage to the exclusion all the rest of Scripture." Well, hang on to that little tid-bit for the day, and I'll share more tomorrow. 

Write it Down

Scripture has a lot to say about writing things down. For instance in Deuteronomy 6, Moses tells the Israelites to not only talk about the commandments of God, but to also write them down on the door frames of their homes (apparently paper was scarce). The purpose? To remember. Later in chapter 6, Moses says:

In the future, when your son asks you, "What is the meaning of the stipulations, decrees and laws the LORD our God has commanded you?"  tell him: "We were slaves of Pharaoh in Egypt, but the LORD brought us out of Egypt with a mighty hand. Before our eyes the LORD sent miraculous signs and wonders..."

Writing it down helped them to always remember what God had done for them. The Israelites needed all the help they could get. If you know anything about the biblical history of the Israelites, you know that they had trouble remembering. They were constantly forsaking God for idols and other things.

Well, I don't know about you, but I need all the help I can get as well. That's why I keep a prayer journal. There are actually a lot of reasons why I keep a prayer journal, but being able to read back through old journals and see what God has done for me is the reason that keeps me doing it through the years.

Just recently, I picked up an old prayer journal and began rifling through it. Here's what I found.

Entry on 09/12/07:

Father, would you please give me direction. You've obviously stirred up my heart once more for ministry, and my experience has been that your Holy Spirit makes me discontented with where I'm at right before you move me. May that be the case here...

Then an entry almost exactly one month later...

Entry on 10/10/07:

Lord, you've been so good to me. I just can't thank you enough. Even all of eternity will not be enough time to thank you and praise you enough. It is so awesome to be able to look back now over the past two years and see your hand at work. Even all the crap that you've allowed to happen has been worth it to get to this point. You brought us to Journey and we knew from the moment we walked in that we had finally found our church home, a church we believed in and could latch on to it's vision. And now you are bringing me on staff there to work full-time. Truly you are good. I can't remember the last time I was this excited about ministry. Thank you Father. I love you...

Until I had read this the other day, I had almost completely forgotten about this. About one month before Pastor Jimmy approached me and asked me to come on staff, the Lord had already begun stirring in my heart to once again be in "full-time" ministry. At the time, I was a little perplexed, not knowing what the outcome would be. It was cool to see that God was working in the situation to bring all the pieces of the puzzle together. And it's cool now to be able to read back through my prayer journal, to remember what God has done, and to praise him all over again for his goodness.

So let me encourage you to write it down. You don't necessarily have to inscribe it on your doorposts. Keep a prayer journal. And if you don't want to do that, at least write it down when the Holy Spirit starts stirring up something in your heart. Write it down when he does something big in your life. Write it down when he teaches you something you never knew before. Write it down as a way to remember. Write it down as a testimony. Write it down as a catalyst for future praise.

A Manner Worthy or a Moralistic Way?

One of the things that I love about the Apostle Paul, is that he always connects ethics with his theology. He never just taught about theology but always taught theology for the purpose of providing the basis for his ethics. Likewise, he never just taught ethical standards without providing that theological basis. For him, they went hand in hand, you couldn't have one without the other.

That's why I took careful notice this morning as I studied through chapter two of 1 Thessalonians. The first half of the chapter contains one antithetical statement after another. In other words he would say "not this, but that." Don't behave this way but that way. Don't do this, do that instead. The reason this struck me as odd, is that it sounds like moralism (addressing only outward behavior rather than dealing with the heart). Paul is giving a list of things to do and a list of things not to do. Look at the long list of antithetical statements his witness(paraphrased):

• NOT vain BUT profitable
• NOT error or impurity BUT approved by God  
• NOT deceit BUT pleasing to God 
• NOT flattering BUT gentle like a mother 
• NOT greed BUT working day and night 
• NOT seeking glory BUT devout and blameless   

Paul has called the people to whom is writing to imitate him (1:6), and now he is laying out for them his witness, behavior, and ethics. So is this just moralism? Is he simply telling them how behave? Is he simply giving them a list of things to do and not to do? Obviously, the answer is "no." The end of this section of his letter is verse twelve where he give the "why" behind everything he has just said:

so that you may walk in a manner worthy of the God who calls you into his own kingdom and glory.

Paul is not preaching moralism. At the end of this long list of antithetical statements, he calls these people (and he calls us) to live a life that is "worthy of God" - that is, a life that reflects the character of and honors God. About this verse Dr. Michael Holmes said, "Paul directs his converts' attention not to a list of commandments or directory of prescribed behaviors, but to the character of God. This reminds us that for Paul, internal motivation, not simply external actions, is of critical importance."

For Paul the bottom line is living a life that is worthy of God. I've read this verse probably a 100 times before, but this truth hit me hard. As I assess myself this morning, I'm positive that the life I live is not yet worthy of the God who has called me into his kingdom and glory. I can only pray, that with his help my life will reflect the character of God a little better everyday. 

Drag Me From Hell

I recently began studying through 1 Thessalonians, and this morning I noticed something very interesting. At the end of chapter 1, Paul is writing about the testimony that the believers in Thessalonica have made for themselves. He says that it is widely reported that they have turned to God from idols to serve the Living and True God, and that they anxiously await the return of his Son, Jesus.

It's the statement that comes after this that got my juices flowing this morning (why does that phrase sound so gross to me?). Paul said that they wait for the return of Jesus who "delivers us from the wrath to come" (NASB). What was interesting to me was the word "delivers." In the Greek, the word is in the present participle. So a literal rendering would be: "who is delivering us from the wrath to come." The wrath to come, which speaks of God's judgment, is not now but in the future. But according to this verse, Jesus will not ONE DAY deliver us, but he is CURRENTLY delivering us now from the wrath that is to come. I'm not sure of everything that this means, but I do know that I was extremely encouraged this morning. How reassuring it is to know that Jesus is on my side. He is currently, right now, everyday battling for me, delivering me!

But the really crazy thing that I noticed this morning was the definition of the word "deliver" in the Greek. The greek word here means to withdraw by force or violence. It is often translated "drag," meaning to deliver or to draw out of danger or calamity. I love this imagery. A couple of years ago, my family was going through a difficult time. It seemed as if we were being attacked on every side. I specifically remember praying the following during that time:

Jesus, please help me make it through this without disgracing your name. I'm not asking you to make this situation go away, I'm just asking you to help me stand up under it. And if I fail to continue moving through this trial, please do whatever it takes to get me through. Kick me. Push me. And if I fail to stand, knock me down and drag me through it.

Jesus is delivering us. He is delivering us from our present circumstances, dragging us through if necessary. But more importantly he is delivering us from the wrath to come. He is delivering us from Hell.

As I write this post, there is a movie currently playing in the theaters called "Drag Me to Hell." I love really cheesy horror flicks, and as cheesy horror flicks go, this movie looks like fun. But I couldn't help but make the contrast this morning. Because of our sinful nature, our natural bent is toward hell. Left to our own free will and our own volition, we would all wind up in hell. But God in his sovereignty has provided a way of escape. And in his great mercy, Jesus is delivering us, he is dragging us away from death, hell, and damnation. Jesus, drag me from hell.

Great Prayers of the Past - C.S. Lewis

C.S. Lewis is one of my all time favorite authors. He was also a Christian apologist, Oxford don, professor at Cambridge, lover of Greek mythology, and expert in Medieval and Renaissance literature, among other things. 

One of the least known things about Lewis is that he was also a poet. The prayer below is both poetry and prayer. I love this prayer because I had never thought of the issues he explains below. Essentially what he is saying is that all of us have in our minds some image of God when we pray to him. But God is beyond any image that we can conceive. So in one sense when we pray and conceive of insufficient images of God, we are committing idolatry. But he goes on to explain that since we are incapable of properly conceiving of God, he condescends to us. He diverts our poorly aimed "arrows," and helps them hit the mark. This is similar to what Paul meant in Romans 8:26 when he said "in the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." 

One more important note. C.S. Lewis would often refer to people, works, or events from history assuming that people would have at least a basic knowledge of them. Unfortunately, that is no longer the case, and one reference in the prayer probably needs explanation. "Pheidian fancies" refers to Pheidias, a first century Greek sculptor who is known for his statue of Zeus at Olympia, one of The Seven Wonders of the Ancient World. He also made many other sculptures of gods and goddesses. So when Lewis refers to our thoughts of God as "Pheidian fancies," he is describing how insufficient are our ideas of God.

C.S. Lewis (1898 - 1963)

He whom I bow to only knows to whom I bow

When I attempt the ineffable Name, murmuring Thou,

And dream of Pheidian fancies and embrace in heart

Symbols (I know) which cannot be the thing thou art.

Thus always, taken at their word, all prayers blaspheme

Worshiping with frail images a folk-lore dream,

And all men in their praying, self-deceived, address

The coinage of their own unquiet thoughts, unless

Thou in magnetic mercy to thyself divert

Our arrows aimed unskillfully, beyond desert;

And all men are idolaters, crying unheard

To a deaf idol, if thou take them at their word.

Take not, O Lord, our literal sense. Lord, in thy great,

Unbroken speech our limping metaphor translate.

Diligence vs. Hastiness

At times I can be a busy man. I lead our student ministry at Journey, our first impressions teams, media, marketing, some weekend experience stuff, and occasionally some other things that come along. I also lead an adult small group and a high school small group. I am also a husband and father of two (soon to be three) girls. Now, I like being busy. I actually would rather be too busy than not busy enough. I'm a doer. I like to get things done. I enjoy staying busy. I'm not one of these guys who thinks being busy makes them more important, I just enjoy having stuff to do. 

Now, there's nothing wrong with being busy, but sometimes it becomes an obsession for me to see how much I can cram into every day, and that's probably not a good thing. It's the difference between diligence and hastiness. If your busyness is a sign of your diligence, that's a good thing. But too often what happens is we try to cram in so many things we end up making hasty decisions for the sake of expedience. 

Proverbs 21:5 says, "The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty."

The other day, I had a busy day. I had multiple back-to-back meetings, and I was late for the first meeting which became a domino effect and made me increasingly late for each following meeting. Now, I started the day with my Jeep's tank on empty. For the sake of time I continued to push it. I actually prayed that God would not let me run out of gas but would help me get to each appointment. At the time, stopping for gas seemed unwise. I thought I needed those few precious minutes to make up for lost time. I actually went the entire day with my gas warning light on. I never stopped for gas. On my way home, I was going to stop at the gas station that is about a mile from my house. But by then I was running late for the meal that my wife had prepared. So I decided to pass by the gas station. I figured that I could simply get gas on the way to work this morning.

So this morning I left my house at 6:00 for a 6:20 appointment. I got down the road in our neighborhood when my engine died. I had to run back to the house to get the gas can that goes to my lawn mower. There was not much gas in it, but I thought it would be enough to get me to the gas station. I grabbed the can, ran back to my car, put in the little bit of gas, ran the can back to my house (I didn't want it to sit in my Jeep and stink it up all day), and headed to the gas station. By then I was running late, so I had to call my 6:20 appointment and let him know that I was not going to make it. While I was on the phone with him, my engine died again. Now I'm stranded between my house and the gas station, and I don't even have my gas can. So I called my wife (who is not a morning person), explained to her my situation and asked her to grab the gas can, come pick me up, and take me to get some gas. We argued about it because she didn't want to wake up our girls (3 years old & 2 years old). I finally decided she was right. So I walked to the gas station, bought a new gas can at an outlandish price, bought $3 in gas, walked back to my Jeep, put in the gas, drove back to the gas station, and filled up. By then I had missed my second appointment of the morning!

In an effort to save time, my hastiness on a previous day ended up costing much more today. It caused strife with my wife. It cost me money for an item I didn't need otherwise. It caused me to miss two appointments. There is a big difference between diligence and hastiness. I always want to be diligent to use wisely the small amount of time the Lord has granted me. But if I am not careful, busyness can result in hastiness which ends up actually wasting more time than idleness! 

I'm not usually a big fan of The Message, but occasionally it has a unique way of expressing the meaning of a passage of scripture. This is one of the times. The Message translates Proverbs 21:5 like this:

Careful planning puts you ahead in the long run; 
   hurry and scurry puts you further behind. 

It certainly put me further behind today. For the sake of being good stewards of the time that God has given us, may we all be diligent and never hasty.

Sneak Preview: On Trust

Here is a sneak preview of a message I'm working on entilted "Moved to Rest." Come hear the rest this weekend!

*****

Every one of us felt that perfect rest and peace at the moment we gave our lives to Jesus. But then slowly over time, it began to fade. And here’s why: Your level of trust must increase as your level of awareness increases. What does that mean?

Last summer, Cana was fearless around water. She was only 2 and a half, but she had this little floatie deal that helped her swim. She would jump in off of the side, jump off of diving boards, purposefully go under water. Once she wanted to go down this big water slide, we got all the way to the top and they wouldn't let her slide because she was to little. She was devastated and cried and cried. She wasn’t scared of it! Now this year we took her to the pool for the first time and we expected her to do even more than she had done last year. But that’s not the case. She won’t even jump to me from the side of the pool. She wants to, but she breaks down crying from fear. We were frustrated at first, until we realized what was going on. She’s a year older. Her capacity to understand things and increased exponentially from last year. Her awareness of the world has increased. She now has some concept of pain and consequences and even death. You see, her level of awareness has increased, but her level of trust in her daddy has not increased in the same measure. She was willing to jump to her daddy when all she knew was that she might get water in her eyes. But now she knows that if she stays under the water for too long, she may never come back up again. And suddenly she's not so sure if she wants to trust her daddy to catch her.

 When you were saved, for most of us, it was a very basic childlike faith. All we knew was that it was the difference between heaven and hell, and significance and meaninglessness. Of course you are going to choose heaven. Of course you are going to choose significance. But then you began to follow Jesus and your awareness increased. You realized this isn't just about going to heaven; he wants your whole life. He wants to have his way in your marriage, and your children, and in your job, and in your finances, and your relationships. As you grew in knowledge about what the Christian life was about, your level of awareness increased but your level of trust did not increase in the same measure. 

When your level of trust does not increase with your level of awareness, it creates stress in your life.